If you already know me, you’ve probably heard me saying that to educate children is not a matter of magic. In fact, if life were magical, we would change lots of things.
Educating our children WELL (with respect, love, understanding and responsibility) takes a great effort. But that effort that is not magical can make your relationship flow like magic.
The most important piece of our happiness puzzle comes from our childhood. And it’s the essence with which our parents impregnate every inch of our skin.
Every emotional contribution you make to your children
will follow them for good.
Now I want to share with you these seven magical ingredients that will help you to become a good influence on your kids. If you perform them, your life will surely improve:
1- Be a good example: everything you convey to your children through your attitude, hour after hour, day after day, year after year, has a direct impact on them, it determines their acts, emotions, likes, relationships. HOW you do things with your children leaves a permanent print on their destiny. The most valuable example you can give for them to follow is your attitude and acts towards all life situations. Your behaviors have an impact on theirs. You might say: “I’m not like my parents,” (and that will probably be true) but you just can deny the fact that a significant part of your personality and manners are governed by the way your parents did things in the past. But even by your own reflections, such as “What would my father think about this?” or “Would my mother do it that way?”. Take your time to think about those people that have profoundly influenced your life and your past decisions, are your parents on the list?
2- Check your promises: “I promise myself that my son will go to the best school,” “I swear on my life that my children will get a degree,” “I promise you, my son, that you will become somebody in life.” This kind of commitments is based on YOUR expectations, not on your children’s. And all those dreams you have for them should change. Those must reflect your children’s wishes and aspirations. Do not demand that your kids achieve what you want them to achieve, but help them fulfill THEIR dreams instead. All this will absolutely make a difference between a life marked by your parents’ wishes and a life based on their needs and goals. Do not blame your children for your failures, your unfulfilled dreams or your mistakes. They should experience their personal and unique passage through life, with no burden at all. Your promise should turn into: “I’ll let you be whoever you want to be.”
3- All of your children’s issues are significant: if we parents do not attach importance to every single thing concerning our children, we are having a negative influence on their self-esteem, self-confidence, and personality. Not paying attention to every of their daily situations is a direct lack of respect towards them. Whatever your children want, need, feel, think about, wish, are afraid of, etc. should be of great importance to you. What’s more, you should always accompany all the emotions that their interests may bring and be there for them, although those interests are not the same as yours.
4- Do not compare your children to anyone, not even to themselves: one of the wonders of the human beings is, in fact, that we are unique. You will never find a person like you, under no circumstances. Although you may think that your children could seem similar, they’re not the same person. And because of that each of them has his/her own needs and interests. We must throw comparisons out of human relationships. We often compare children, mothers-in-law, partners, friends, etc. Do not compare your children even to themselves: “last year, you used to eat everything on your dish and now you don’t, I liked much more the old you.” You will be feeding their rivalry with themselves. When we compare, we make the other person feel distrust, sadness, lack of understanding, grief. The fact is that comparisons provoke outrage and competition (even to the one receiving the “best” part). And that’s not what you want for your children, am I wrong? I now suggest you a 7-days challenge. You have to avoid making comparisons for the next week (but not only to children). Then, try to value the positive changes that this challenge brought you (both to others and to yourself). You can email me with your conclusions: tania@edurespectschool.com.
5- Promote positive behaviors: habits are settled in our personality. I’m not saying that you have to get obsessed with rules and routines within your family, quite the opposite. I’m talking about something much deeper, about your real and personal behaviors. The habit of kissing you partner before going to work, having a shower after a hot day, taking coffee always with the same mug, going for a walk by the sea always at sunset, etc. You must work on giving an example of positive, healthy, kind, loving and responsible habits. Obviously, the bad habit of shouting because your children didn’t do their homework and the good habit of encouraging them every day to follow their dreams are just not the same thing. Learn the good habit of being happy, and they will be.
6- Transform your mind: positive thinking, self-confidence, the wish to learn, to improve, to live and enjoy your life, to overcome all obstacles, etc. And this is the kind of things you should try to build into your children. If your thoughts are full of fears, insecurity, rivalries, that’s what they’re going to perceive. Do a personal work always to see the glass half full.
7- Encourage yourself and move forward: I know thousands of families (I do not exaggerate). And many parents feel sad when they realized they’d behaved wrongly with their kids but they are not able to find the motivation to reload and go ahead. Motivation is linked to the positive thinking in the earlier point. It’s only you who can come to the decision of changing your children’s life and yours. Only YOU, nobody else. Don’t wait until it’s too late and ENCOURAGE YOURSELF. I trust you will.
Your thoughts, behavior, and words draw a path for your kids.
With all these tools I assure you that you will have a positive influence on your children. Go at your own pace. I don’t want you to feel guilty when you think you are not doing it as well as you expected. We are not trying to be perfect; nobody is, I just want you to be the parent your children need: no more, no less.
If you found it useful, then share! Let’s work magic all together 😉
Regards,
Parent & Teacher Educator, Author, Expert in Respectful Education & Founder of Edurespect School
